So I came here.
I don't really know how to start. This is really my first post here where I'm really going to open up my soul, instead of being critical, arrogant, or trolling. This is a big step for me, so I hope it's recieved well.
I guess I'll start by making a confession. I am a skeptic. But not the usual sort. Most skeptics, sadly, refuse to believe no matter what. A true skeptic is just that, skeptical, but open to being proven wrong, which is what science is truly about. Science is a quest to learn by proving yourself wrong, honestly. I truly will believe when I see, not grasp for other explanations.
Now, here's the personal part. Throughout my life, I've felt more in touch with the magical side of the earth than other people. Heck, not just the earth, but the entire universe. I would walk through a forest with my parents, and while they just saw plants, trees, birds, I saw a magical world behind each wildflower or birdsong. Reading that now it sounds melodramatic and cheesy, but it's really how I felt. I was fascinated by ancient myths and folktales. As I grew older, I saw no sign of the magical world I seeked so long for. No faeries, dragons, or other wild creatures of the otherworld. My interests grew increasingly darker as I got older, so I searched the night for ghosts, dark witches, werewolves, and other things like that, and i still found nothing. I eventually gave up. My father was intensely religious and extremely abusive to me. I equated my father's abuse with his religion, and this, combined with my dissatisfaction with the lack of proof I found, turned me into a bitter and jaded person, extremely critical of belief without proof.
Only within the last couple years have I been able to find a middle ground. I believe in God, and I pray to him every so often, but I also know that the minds of men are finite and the bible was printed and is preached by man, so I keep a healthy amount of skepticism with religion. I've come to find that every single person sees God in a different way, so to interpret God one way and tell others that is the way is not only arrogant but it falls apart in practical usage, as shown by the vast range of faiths, creeds, and denominations.
But despite this peace I've come to have about the higher power, the magic and wonder I sought as a child is older than God. It is a very part of the earth and the universe itself. Gods rise and fall in the cultures of man, but almost every culture believes in things older than that. Things intrinsic to the very nature of Earth and even the ways of reality.
This is why I've come to you, people of Monstrous. I need a sign. Not a sign from God, this is something personal tha only the higher power can bestow upon a person. I need a sign of something more corporeal. I need a sign that the Otherworld I sought as a young one exists. I seek this not to prove you wrong, but so you can prove me wrong. I have been led to believe that faeires and dragons and witches are stories believed by ancient savages and imagined by children. I don't want to believe this, because my heart knows better. I am willing to recognize a sign for what it is.
I don't seek demons, spells, or anything that could corrupt me. I don't seek personal gain, or to harness any sort of power. I don't seek the light either, because brilliant light can be as blinding as darkness. I seek something older and more pure than the human ideals of virtue or evil.
Monstrous, I want to believe. How can I find a sign? How can I truly see the otherworld? And how will I recognize a sign when I see it? I feel like I've been cheated, and my heart has been crushed. I can feel the magic, but I can never see it. What have I done to deserve this? I need some sort of answer, some help. If you can provide me with this I would be so grateful. If you can't I will not be dissappointed. I don't think I could be any more dissappointed than I already am, as ridiculous and overly emotional as that sounds.

I appreciate any and all help you can give me, good people of Monstrous.

Thank you for your reply. I honestly didn't think anybody would reply hehe.
The reason I posted this in Mayday and not somewhere else is because I don't know which board to post in. As pathetic as it sounds, I'm looking for anything. Aliens, ghosts, the Fair Folk, whatever. Maybe actual p-shifting werewolves or blood-sucking vampires like the ones in the legends of old, not whiny pseudorebellious teenagers swamped up to their earlobes in escapist fantasies. Part of my disillusionment with all of this is the pure, undiluted, massive quantity of BS on the internet. All I have to do is open my browser and web surf for two minutes to find someone claiming to be a half-fire elemental, half-platypus were-hobbit with 29 fire damage every two dice rolls. Hey, if telling yourself you have the soul of a species of fire-breathing extinct rodent gets you through the day, that's fine. Personally, all I need to get through my day is a combination of sex, caffeine, and cheap, smelly cigars. But I digress.
I need something real. I do. Anything will work. And that's why I posted here in the Mayday section instead of "The Wof's Den", "The Vampire's Basement Entertainment Room", or the "Dark Book of Super-Nifty Awesome Mind Powers".
(I'd post a smiley face here to show that I'm joking, but my face isn't yellow or one millimeter tall, so I don't think it would properly express my facial expression. Just take my word for it that I say most of what I say with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek. Whatever that means)
I appreciate you reassurance that I'll know my sign when I see it, but I don't think I will. I've been looking for long enough that I'm willing to quit making googly eyes at the cute supernatural phenomena in the corner. I want to walk up to it, make smalltalk, and take it back to my apartment.
I want to find my sign. And I guess that's what I'm asking for. How do I find my sign?

Hi Thneedly.

Stop Thinking? Hmmmm? Maybe, but there will be plenty of time for that after you die. Unless you want to dive straight into some high level Zen, which I doubt.

Despite my Nietzche quotes I am not anti-science. I am actually quite heavily involved in it at the moment, but that's me. This is about trying to help you, or at least getting you started.

So here we go, I hope you get something out of this.

Science is quite amazing, think about all the technology that goes into your computer. You can believe in this science and technology, but will this "faith" alone help you at all?
Imagine just going into your room and sitting in front of your computer, staring at the blank screen, waiting for a "sign" or something to happen. After some time of sitting in front of the computer with nothing happening you would undoubtably get dissapointed and get up and go and do something else.
First you have to learn even how to turn your computer on. Then you need to learn how to use your computer, then learn how to connect to your server, then learn how to set up an email address, learn how to google away until you find monstrous, get on to the forum, sign up, and now you are here, finally being able to talk to the world and start asking some questions. Now you can start to get some answers or "signs".

See what I mean. Even with science, you only really get as much out of it as what you put in, or learn. If you learn heaps about computers you can do some pretty amazing stuff.

This principle works the same with any field of interest.

From your first post, I gather, as a starting point at least, that you feel a strong connection to nature. This is a great way to start in your own individual path of self development. It is "natural" to start off with, and also probably the easiest "entry point" into developing your spiritual, or, if you like, super-natural interests. I do not want to go on for too long about this, as everybody has their own individual path in this respect. But I think I can help put you into position, a starting point if you like, that you can begin working from.

There is a brilliant book. It is called "Native Healer" written by American Indian, Medicine Grizlybear Lake, or Bobby Lake. It is a book on native american shamanism. Please do not be put off by the "Healer" title, it goes a lot further than that. Also please do not get put off by the "shamanism" subject, it is not a book about witch-doctors, spells or bodgy "new age" themes. It was written a while ago, and is primarily an introduction into the real native american outloook on Nature, not any of the new age crap that you may have seen. It opens up your mind into connecting with nature, this, as your natural starting point, is the ideal book for you. As with "computers" you will still have to read and learn from this book. Do not just read it once and put it away, keep it on hand for a while and even read through it a few times. Just as if you knew nothing at all about computers, you would need to keep your computer book around for a while, or you would start to get into trouble.
This book has great advantages. It is easy to read, for one, cutting out a whole heap of meaningless dribble. It is also NOT an "airy fairy" book at all. It is an extremely "practical" book, written in easy to understand english, by a "real traditional Native American Shaman" I cannot stress this point enough, it is totally different to any "white mans" bull s**t interpretations or neo-modern new age crap to put it bluntly. Once you have given this a good read and follow some of the super practical advice you will start to get your rewards/signs for your effort/learning/studying, just as you would with any field of interest, and with it being totally about Nature, it will suit the inner feelings you have had since you were a child. Once you have done this, you will have begun your personal journey through life. From there it will be completely up to you. You will naturally experience new things along the way which will show you your own personal new directions of interests, or signs, if you wish.

This will only be the beginning of a wonderful journey in your life. I really do hope that you take my advice and do this, "lesson 1a" just to get you started Thneedly.

Live long and prosper.

Vivid

you believe or you don't, if you believe your heart knows what's there and you don't need some, big bang sign, their signs are rarely as conveyed through modern media, it's usually more subtle, more personal and a lot less glamorous, if you really believe than you're probably already seeing signs, but if you keep that doubt in your head, you'll never see them...they can only come where they're invited, if they don't feel that invitation it's just words and wishful thinking.

but be careful what you wish for, they're not as friendly, fluffy or fun as most seem to think they are, they can be mean, cruel and addictive once you are able to see them, and once they've tasted you, they don't go easily...if you believe in God, how does that work?

Thanks Immortal.

The book I mentioned is not all that old though. I am pretty sure it is a 90s book. And the endangered tropical rainforest pulp that they use to make the paper for these can be quite toxic to the happy families of rodents that have made homes in some of the old books lying around your place. For these I would reccomend that you remove any dockets or other references to yourself from them, bag them up and drop them behind the Salvos building late at night on one of your vampire runs. They can be pretty clever at finding the owners of stuff these days, and you do not want the Salvos to return them along with the moth eaten socks and paisley shirts that you dumped there last month. With all of your old un-returned library books, you are probably best off just burning them. Even if you remove all of the library sleeves, bar-codes and printed library information from them there is only one type of creature that can smell blood better than a vampire, and that is the old horned rimmed spectacle wearing librarians of course. And they are the last type of monster that you would want to get into trouble with!

hehe

Vivid

Gosh...I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. lol